Finally, I am enjoying my food again! Yeah!!!!

On Thursday Sofia and I ordered a '3 in 1′ Indian meal for dinner - it was sooo good I could have eaten double the amount easily. Finding that food doesn't only fill me up, but tickles my tastebuds as well is fantastic. I really was missing this sensation. Almost as good as sex!

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I cooked myself a big pot of prawn curry with pilaw rice that will last me for at least three dinners. Yum. I couldn't even muster up the energy for cooking two weeks ago, so things are definitely getting better.

What else is going on?

• The belly feels fine, no real news there.
• This week it will be my 41st birthday. Kind of sad to think that I'll be 61 when my child will turn 20. Ah, well, at least Daddy will be only 55. I will not have a party this year, but I'll try to drag some people into a pub on Saturday.
• I think I should get married to the TV, lately it seems to satisfy all my communication needs in the house.
• Some good news: End of the week, I'll get a visitor. My friend Elke (not to be mixed up with my sister Elke) will come over from Germany for the weekend. I've known her for a long time, but hardly ever got to see or talk to her over the last years, so this will be great!
• Some more good news: Frank will also come over on Saturday for 10 days! Can't wait.
• I've decided to go home over Christmas after all. The way things are working out, I would be here without Frank, not doing anything for the move either, so what's the point. Instead I'll go and see my mum, my sister, and my nephew for five days or so. That'll be a lot nicer and the flight has been booked.

Yesterday morning I had my first ultrasound scan. What an emotional moment!

First of all I was completely flummoxed by all the things they wanted from me in the hospital, after all I thought I was going for a scan and would be out after an hour or so. But no, there was outpatient registration first, then a talk about my pregnancy, the scan, a urine sample, a blood test and finally a talk with a doctor. All of this took over three hours. OK, for the first time I felt looked after well

To see the baby moving around in my womb was most astonishing - until now the whole thing was still quite abstract but now I've seen the little creature at least as a moving shadow, it's a lot more real. Looking at that photo still drives tears to my eyes. I also got to hear the placenta heartbeat (didn't know that existed) and after some more searching about finally the baby heartbeat - frantic, at double the rate of an adult.

The doctor also talked to me about risks, obviously my age isn't counting in favour of a healthy baby. He said at my age the risk to have a child with Down syndrome is 1 in 100. The problem is that if you want to find out for sure they have to stick a needle into the belly and obtain a fetal tissue sample which apparently carries a risk of 2% of losing the baby. This is huge and something I am not prepared to do. Instead I can have more ultrasound scans and some more blood tests which will help to statistically determine the risk a bit more exactly. Let's hope things will be all right!

If you are struggling with the image: the left potato is the head, the right one the body. If you look carefully you can see the arms going up to the head and a leg that's on its own. According to the fetus's size I am in week 15 (14 weeks plus x days) which actually goes along with how my cycle works, but according to the last period date I should be a week further. At this stage the fetus should still be slightly over 10cm long and weigh about 40g.

Fruit crazy!

What can I say?!

A visitor

This one appeared on one of the last really nice days!

Ever since I'm pregnant I have been eating loads of fruits - I can eat those all the time, even when I don't feel like eating at all. My favourites are nectarines, grapes, pears, and kiwis. So far I would have bought about 3 baskets of different kinds of fruit to last me for a week, but today I bought:

• 8 peaches
• 7 pears
• 20 clementines
• 14 plums
• 6 kiwis

I am not sure how quickly my body thinks I can eat all of this, but it definitely wanted all of these! Normally this would be about how much fruit I eat over the year…

In addition to those things, I am also still working my way through my home crop of big tomatoes. Yummy too!

Today I handed in my notice - well in advance actually. My last working day will be 31 December 2005. My boss knew anyways, so I decided to make live easier for him, as with the early resignation he can start looking for a replacement.

I decided to quit rather than to look for another Symantec job in the UK as I am pregnant and I would like to be able to look after our child for a while. Financially this seems feasible, so there we go. In addition, continuing with Symantec in a job that I'd find interesting most likely would have meant to travel either to Maidenhead or Reading (about 1 or 1.5 hours each way) - something I can't really see myself doing with a little baby. Looking for a new job outside of Symantec didn't seem an option either: who would want to take on a woman with a growing belly and maternity leave looming at the horizon anyways? I know there are anti-discrimination laws but in reality we all know it's difficult to find a new job when pregnant. To be fair, I could have had an interview for a job with Symantec in the same building where Frank is working now, but I didn't want that job and I really, really want to stay at home.

Writing a resignation letter was a first for me. All my previous jobs were only temporary. In any case this will be a huge change, as I was working for Symantec for 11 years! I started with Delrina in August 1994 in London, and when Symantec acquired Delrina in 1995 I was moved over to the Netherlands. From there I was moved again in 2002 to Ireland. I believe some people started to think of me as part of the inventory . I had various jobs over time, some that I didn't like too much and some that were great (including my current one). I especially loved it when I was able to set up new structures and processes and was able to hire new people in 2002. During the years I learned a lot about web sites and localisation in general and really enjoyed that. I loved the mixture of individuals from all kinds of nationalities I worked with. I met a number of wonderful people in various countries too and hope to stay friends with them over the coming years.

But, hey, I am not gone yet. I am getting all melancholic here already, I am sure I'll cry when I have my last day.

Wish me luck in finding a new interesting job after my baby break! And don't ever remind me of my current paychecks…

Earlier this year my mum and my sister decided to visit me again - it had been a while. When it turned out that Frank's and my time here would be limited the three of us decided to make a round-trip out of it, so that I and them would get to see a bit more of Ireland at last. Frank gracefully skipped the opportunity to come along. Then I found out that I had got pregnant, which was great in itself, but had a big effect on my stamina (none left!) and eating needs (all the time!). On top of that I got a bad cold just before the trip that I duely passed on to my relatives. All successful! Nevertheless we had a few days where we got to see loads and even the sun was shining.

Any tighter and it will strangle me!

This morning I woke up at 7:30h (on a Sunday!) only to find my tummy screaming for food. This is getting ridiculous. I already told you that I need to eat very regularly since I am pregnant, but so far that was in the hours between having to get up and going to bed - now it's stretching into sleeping time. I feel harrassed.

Before this I used to eat 2.5 times a day: a small breakfast, a warm meal at lunch time at work, and in the evening either bread with cheese or sausage or a cooked dinner. That was always enough, I only occasionally yearned for something extra.

Now it starts even before getting up, having some snack to give me quick energy, then it has to be a slightly larger breakfast than before and also of course a good lunch. That's already three times food (ok, 2.5 times). Then in the afternoon I need another snack of fruit and some chocolate and in the evening another proper meal to stop my stomach from waking me up in the middle of the night (let's say at 4:00h). That's at least 5 portions of food over the day.

This eating business is taking a lot of time as I want some proper food too. I feel my whole day circles around food, food, food. On top of that I only feel hunger - but no real appetite. For me hunger means the nagging feeling in my belly that tells me that I need to eat; appetite, however, is when I am not necessarily that hungry but really want to eat as I feel the food is giving me something else beyond filling my stomach. At the moment that is gone, I don't enjoy eating - all I get is the slightly sick feeling that I guess most pregnant women experience. Who wants to eat when you feel sick??? So my portions tend to be small, and guess what that leads to? Feeling hungry very soon again. Grmpf.