At night when Yannick wakes me up and I wait for him to finish his drink I dreamily think about things to do.

I think about what I would like to write in my blog; if only I would remember the next day and have the time to write! I think I'd be publishing at least every second day.

The other thing I do is humming songs in my head. For some reason the childrens' songs that we listen to on CD during the day somehow make it back into my head at those times. With some of the songs I don't remember at all what the words are and then I am sitting there trying to get some made-up lyrics to work somehow with the melody. At times I come up with funny things which I would love to sing to Frank the next day, but obviously I never remember.

I am also planning what I would like to do the following day, things like I should tidy up A, send B away with the post, work on C on my web site, etc. Of course I never do any of those things unless I write them down on a to-do list. Fat chance I do that at three in the morning!

I think I simply don't wake up enough to remember any of these things properly. The moment I move myself back onto my mattress I am asleep again. Zzzzzh…

On Friday I received an email from an acquaintance of mine with an invitation to join Hi5 (another web community site like MySpace). Never having heard of this one I wanted to check it out and registered. The site asked me whether I wanted to invite more friends and to help me it offered to get all addresses from my Yahoo address book. Not liking this too much I still decided to go along and see who I would want to send a mail. Surprise, surprise, some people I know were already members - even my own partner. I made sure to deselect all addresses (all checked by default) and to only select a test address (one of my own) and then wanted to click on Continue. By accident I pressed one of the internet buttons on my mouse which took me one page back instead of where I wanted to be. Pressing the other internet button I went forward again and clicked on Continue. Oooops, only then did I see that all my contacts were checked again and not only the ones I had selected before. Holy crap! 171 email addresses got an invitation!!!

The rest of the evening I got plenty of mails from Hi5 telling me that a number of people joined, some others that some of the email addresses didn't work. I also got a few direct responses from friends wondering what the hell I was sending them and of course some of those inevitable 'out of the office' notifications… Not really the kind of entertainment I was after, especially as I don't have loads of time during the day for emails.

On Saturday, after some more friend acceptance mails, I checked my home page on Hi5 and found that the site also shows me activities of my friends. Finally this started to be a bit more interesting, they actually started to connect with each other too! And I got a few personal messages from people I hadn't heard of much for a while. That's actually a nice side effect.

Now that I have started this involuntary experiment I am actually quite curious how many more friends will sign up and start using the site in some way. I didn't really want to be a member of yet another web community but let's see where this takes us. On Monday when people are back at work I am expecting some more mails to come in but I am sincerely hoping that it will all die down after this. The good news is that some invitation mails will never be seen as I heard that with some people they end up in the spam folder automatically - yippee!

For the more fragile souls among my friends: If you didn't get a mail from me and believe I should have your email address, then be assured my Yahoo address book wasn't quite up-to-date. Just let me know, I will invite you, no problem. After sending out 171 invitations another few won't hurt at all and I surely don't want to discriminate anybody! If you don't want to be my friend on Hi5 I won't be offended either. Oh, yes, you can find my profile here: Sylke on Hi5.

An afterthought: Are you actually a Luser if you know what the term means???

Recently I seem to get a lot of blood vessels breaking in my eye. This was already the second time that I wake up and find a huge red mark on my eye-ball. Apparently it's nothing to worry about but it does look scary, and this photo was taken on the third day after the mark appeared - so it wasn't as red any more as at the beginning:

Now add to this frightening look a huge cold sore on my lower lip and loads of newly growing short hair at my forehead … I felt like Frankenstein's bride.

Yay!!!

It took me two months to unpack most of my stuff but eventually I got there and the place is nearly presentable. It's high time as my mum will come and stay with us for eleven days from Thursday onwards and then in December my sister will also visit. Frank still has a number of boxes with books in Yannick's room, but they will soon go too.

In a way we achieved more during the last week than all the time beforehand. The reason is that we got our new absolutely huge wardrobe delivered and were able to move our clothes in there. This in turn freed up space for some other stuff, which again freed up space for something else, and so on. This chain reaction allowed me to sift through a lot of things and everything that's not needed right now simply went into the shed.

The strange thing is that one box seems to have disappeared. Since we are living with Yannick we need a lot more batteries for all those musical toys. I was looking forward to be using the rechargeable ones that I had. At some point when we simply took a peek into a number of boxes to find out what's in them, I am convinced I saw the battery charger. However, since then I haven't seen the device at all and I have no idea where it went. My theory is that the box must have been beamed away. There is no other explanation. *Looking flummoxed*

OK, so today my keyboard works again. At last I was able to upload a whole bunch of Yannick photos from the last weeks. But the new laptop is on its way, no matter what this one thinks it can do by giving me access to my keyboard every now and then.

Our new house is still very boxy. We only manage to unpack very little every day. I've also started to throw away some stuff, there was just no way around it. *Cry* At the same time we need to make some purchases: I want a proper sofa, we need a new bed (the old one got wet in storage), a shed to store all the stuff we don't need in the house…

Winchester is a nice place. It reminds me a bit of Leiden in the size department, I can walk into the city centre in 15 to 20 minutes. And it's a nice walk, all green fields around me and no big roads. I could even cycle if I wanted to.

Got to finish now, Yannick has just woke up again.

Aaaargh, will this ever stop? In September we will move again, this time into a three bedroom house in Winchester. I am not looking forward to this experience whatsoever, as I will not be able to do much with Yannick at my hands. We have to move as we are only renting at the moment and I really want to get out of this house that has far too much mould for my liking.

We chose this house as it is nicely done up inside and the garden doesn't offer too much of a challenge currently either. Neither Frank nor myself are able to do a lot of work at the moment, so this is perfect for us. We would have liked four bedrooms but the Winchester area is quite expensive. So we had to make a trade, either a nice area or more space. Right in front of the house is a large green area with a play-ground that's just far enough away to not be a nuisance but close enough for Yannick to enjoy in a year's time or so.

The really good news is that we have some absolutely wonderful friends who will come over from Ireland to help us move. There are a few more people who might be able to help who live over here. We'll find out soon enough.

Yes, yes, yes, all of you are right! I know I've been saying I want to move away from Ireland as there are only two seasons in that country, spring and autumn. Now I got what I wanted, to have a proper summer, and I am not enjoying it at all.

The temperature in the house hasn't been below 24C for the last month it seems, and most of the time it was at least 26C if not 28C - even during the night. And just imagine how this affects a little child! Poor little Yannick is thirsty all the time, his sleeping pattern isn't getting better. The hotter it is the more often he wakes up and needs a drink. If I am lucky he wakes up every 1.5 hours, if I am not, it's every hour…

Then we have the fish pond. This is a story in itself. Because of the hot weather, the water in it got worse and really dirty: algae, decomposing plants, fish poo, you name it. We tried some stuff to make it better but with no experience it seems we made everything worse. After some of the fish died, we contacted the letting agency to see if they could get anybody to look after the fish. Well, according to the letting agency the landlord doesn't feel responsible for them as they pond was set up by a previous tenant. I contacted the RSPCA, in the vague hope that the fish could be re-housed. But they wouldn't take them as there could be legal repercussions (key-word: theft) for them. Great. Eventually we had some good advice from the local pet shop and managed to stabilise the water. No more dead fish since then. But fact is that there are far too many fish in that little pond and it's still a far cry from good living conditions. Moral of the story: never rent a place with a fish pond. It stinks.

Looking at this blog, you might be thinking that there is nothing in my life but my little baby - but you would be wrong. Of course, there is an awful lot happening related to that, like meeting other mums or going for immunisations at the GP, but that's not all.

Most importantly, Frank and I have been looking for a new house to buy. It looks like we found one in Winchester in a very nice quiet area. It's not as big as I hoped, but it's all nicely done up inside and the garden also only needs normal maintenance. As soon as the deal has gone through I'll post some more details.

Even though neither Frank nor me are big football fans, we had to follow the world cup and I am amazed at how well the German team has been doing so far. Tomorrow they'll play Italy, that's really getting scary now. But then they managed to beat Argentina, so maybe they can beat Italy too! We'll see. One thing is for sure, Jürgen Klinsmann has really done a great job already, even though the Germans beat him up before the championchip for some stupid reasons (trying new training methods, not living in Germany). I've been reading that football crazy Germany is going mad with flags, that is so unusual. In the past any kind of nationalism/patriotism was frowned upon as it reminded people to much of the Nazi times and there is absolutely no reason to be proud of a heritage like that. All of a sudden this doesn't seem to be such a big issue anymore. Are the Germans finally finding some kind of 'normal patriotism'? I would certainly like it, as there is much more that defines Germany than those horror years. Aaah, me having to delve into this topic is so typically German again… *sigh* Anyways, I was sorry to see the English team lose against Portugal, as I would have very much enjoyed a match England v Germany, but it wasn't meant to be. It was also nice seeing people here being so fanatic about their team, but now sadly the championship is over for them.

On top of that I am trying to root through my website, to get the photo gallery ready to be updated to the next version. For that I need to change the location of some photos, tedious work.

OK, this is not loads, but enough for me.

We finally managed to get rid of our Irish number plate. How? Simple: buy a new car and trade in the old one.

Strangely enough we managed to buy a car that looks just like the old one, only this one is five years younger and from a completely different make. And this really wasn't on purpose.

New car!

Old car!

Today I need to rant.

I don't know why but ever since I entered the third trimester of this pregnancy my mornings have become a major chore - that is when I eat something sugary. OK, I do know then, at least partly…

I've been having these daily bouts of feeling partly nauseated and really weak because of a rapid fall in blood pressure happening about 10 minutes to half an hour after breakfast.

During my first trimester I had got into the habit of having something sweet for breakfast. Normally I don't like having anything before noon (apart from some cold milk) and then I'd have savoury food for lunch. Being pregnant I noticed I was a lot more hungry and needed something to eat on a regular schedule, including the mornings. The only way I could get myself to eat something before my normal time was to eat something easy, like cake or cereal. It worked - for a while.

Ever since I am in the UK (shortly after commencing the third trimester), this seems the worst thing I can do. If I have anything sweet (even toast with jam) as a first meal, I can forget about the following one or two hours. I invariably find myself lying on my side on the sofa feeling very sorry for myself. Should I dare to get up and walk around I am incredibly short of breath and feel like fainting. When I am lying down I suffer of major heartburn. Catch 22. I can't win. Trying to outrun this (thinking maybe physical action would help with the blood pressure problem), the other day we went to a supermarket straight after breakfast and all I was doing was huffing and puffing, holding myself on the shopping trolley.

I found out that it doesn't really matter when I am having breakfast. I can be at 7am, just after driving Frank to work or picking him up, or it can be after my second sleeping session at 10 or 11am. Or just after a full night of sleep (on Frank's days off). The nausea bouts would even happen after delaying breakfast to 1pm (simply because I dreaded feeling bad so much).

As different timing didn't help I started experimenting with what I eat. I found that if I eat bread with savoury things I am mostly fine. Having a glass of water first also seems to be a good thing. With savoury food I can drink milk with no problem at all (most people seem to think that it's the milk). But if I should dare to have something sweet or just a glass of fruit juice too early in the day I am down again.

So, I am not only struggling with the fact that I have to eat at times when I don't want to eat, but also have to eat things that I am not keen on. Which means I have to THINK and be SENSIBLE in the mornings. Anybody who knows me also knows that I am not a morning person in the first place and that I am slow on picking up things then. *sigh* In that sense: I can't wait for this pregnancy to be over!!!

What is it with household appliances these days?

Let's see what we bought since 2003 and what happened to it:

Ha - we found the missing box with the plants. The poor things were in there for three long weeks, but they survived! I am very impressed and happy.

I can't believe it, but it's been over one week now since our things was delivered - and we still have some boxes to go through in the kitchen. They simply got the better of us.

First of all I can't unpack them on my own, as my belly and back hurt after bending down just a few times. Since the boxes are also stacked on top of each other I wouldn't even be able to get to the lower ones. The boxes are far too heavy for me to lift. Therefore I have to depend on Frank for all of these things, and of course Frank is working and doesn't necessarily want to spend hours going through boxes when he is doing twelve hour shifts anyways. Good thing is he will be around for the coming four days!

The second problem is that the kitchen boxes need looking through rather than general unpacking. The boxes were packed by some friends so I don't always know what is in which box, but it's not too bad as there is some description on each of them. It's a bit like in a hide and seek game and feels great when you find something you were looking for. We don't want to unpack everything as this is a temporary home, we just need to get the essentials. We still only have two sturdy glasses to use, but we found all of our cutlery and cooking pots at last. In terms of crockery we are all right as Frank already had a set here. We also found all of our food supplies - I can't believe what a hoarder I am! I've got loads and loads of pasta in the cupboard now.

So far I am only missing one thing, a box full with plants. It simply disappeared… But there are worse things to lose. One of the other plants that was transported as is, didn't take too well to being in a container for two weeks and it lost most of its leaves by now. Sad to look at, but you always lose something when moving.

So here I am now, sitting in the house in Eastleigh in the UK with nothing at all to do than to watch cats trying to catch the kois in the garden pond. I am also trying to get my inner balance back after the upheaval of the last weeks and waiting for our stuff to arrive.

Last week was very difficult for me. I came back Sunday 4 January from Berlin and had just very few days to pack the last things. On Monday I felt weak (because of the pregnancy) and tearful (probably exhaustion) and thought I wouldn't be able to cope with the move. Thank goodness for the help of four very good friends to who really really worked hard for me on Tuesday evening: they did a miracle and packed all my things!!! On Wednesday morning the movers came in and took everything away within two hours. The house felt horrible after that - all I had left were some items that I wanted to take with me in the car and basic bedding. I took refuge at a friend's house to watch some TV. On Thursday I did a trip to the recycling centre to get rid of some rubbish and then picked up Frank from the airport (who hadn't even slept after his night shift). We had one last evening at Brady's and early the next morning Frank and I packed the car (it never had been this full before I bet) and went off to catch the ferry to Holyhead. Even though it was Friday the 13th, everything went fine and we arrived at Eastleigh in the evening after a long drive through Wales and England.

I had two more days with Frank before his shift started again and he showed me around a bit. Eastleigh is very residential but has good shopping facilities not too far away. This is very important when you have nothing to do, even though I cannot exactly spend lots of money there either. Apart from getting on with some stuff I need to do (seeing a doctor/midwife, registration of the car) I am now a housewife who drives her beloved to work and picks him up again, thinks about what to cook for dinner, and tries to keep the place in order. It's all very strange and I still have to get to terms with this new almost non-rhythmical life.

The baby seems to be doing all right through all of this, but I could feel that it was quieter during the stressful days. The first evening in Eastleigh it made up for all of that and kicked me for hours and hours like there was no tomorrow. Now I am treating it to some nice relaxing reggae/dub and it seems to be sleeping.

I am keeping a bit of a low profile here lately, as I am often simply shot at the end of the day.

The last days at work require a lot of documentation, finalising, sorting, passing on of information, basically anything that will make it easier for a new supervisor to step into my shoes or for other people to pick up some of the things I used to do. I am sure a lot of it will be in vain, as nobody ever reads the fucking manual. But at least I will have the feeling of having done my best, to pass on some basic information. And of course there also is a huge amount of information that I simply cannot pass on, as this is simply experience from 11 years in one company and learning especially the web job from the very beginning. How will they fare without me - I am not replaceable! Or so I wished…

Then at home, when I sit down, baby wakes up to do its daily gym exercises. It feels like this: "let's kick the belly a couple of times to show her I am here, then I will turn to the bladder for special impact, and after that I can kick some other randon areas that mummy won't feel as much… " At least that way I know that baby is doing fine. I am also waking up a lot at night lately, I am sure that's also partly due to baby activity.

Christmas is nearly here, I am going to see my family and some friends. And not too long after that, I'll move to the UK. Scary, how quickly time passes and how life can change so completely in just a few months.

Today I handed in my notice - well in advance actually. My last working day will be 31 December 2005. My boss knew anyways, so I decided to make live easier for him, as with the early resignation he can start looking for a replacement.

I decided to quit rather than to look for another Symantec job in the UK as I am pregnant and I would like to be able to look after our child for a while. Financially this seems feasible, so there we go. In addition, continuing with Symantec in a job that I'd find interesting most likely would have meant to travel either to Maidenhead or Reading (about 1 or 1.5 hours each way) - something I can't really see myself doing with a little baby. Looking for a new job outside of Symantec didn't seem an option either: who would want to take on a woman with a growing belly and maternity leave looming at the horizon anyways? I know there are anti-discrimination laws but in reality we all know it's difficult to find a new job when pregnant. To be fair, I could have had an interview for a job with Symantec in the same building where Frank is working now, but I didn't want that job and I really, really want to stay at home.

Writing a resignation letter was a first for me. All my previous jobs were only temporary. In any case this will be a huge change, as I was working for Symantec for 11 years! I started with Delrina in August 1994 in London, and when Symantec acquired Delrina in 1995 I was moved over to the Netherlands. From there I was moved again in 2002 to Ireland. I believe some people started to think of me as part of the inventory . I had various jobs over time, some that I didn't like too much and some that were great (including my current one). I especially loved it when I was able to set up new structures and processes and was able to hire new people in 2002. During the years I learned a lot about web sites and localisation in general and really enjoyed that. I loved the mixture of individuals from all kinds of nationalities I worked with. I met a number of wonderful people in various countries too and hope to stay friends with them over the coming years.

But, hey, I am not gone yet. I am getting all melancholic here already, I am sure I'll cry when I have my last day.

Wish me luck in finding a new interesting job after my baby break! And don't ever remind me of my current paychecks…

Any tighter and it will strangle me!

This morning I woke up at 7:30h (on a Sunday!) only to find my tummy screaming for food. This is getting ridiculous. I already told you that I need to eat very regularly since I am pregnant, but so far that was in the hours between having to get up and going to bed - now it's stretching into sleeping time. I feel harrassed.

Before this I used to eat 2.5 times a day: a small breakfast, a warm meal at lunch time at work, and in the evening either bread with cheese or sausage or a cooked dinner. That was always enough, I only occasionally yearned for something extra.

Now it starts even before getting up, having some snack to give me quick energy, then it has to be a slightly larger breakfast than before and also of course a good lunch. That's already three times food (ok, 2.5 times). Then in the afternoon I need another snack of fruit and some chocolate and in the evening another proper meal to stop my stomach from waking me up in the middle of the night (let's say at 4:00h). That's at least 5 portions of food over the day.

This eating business is taking a lot of time as I want some proper food too. I feel my whole day circles around food, food, food. On top of that I only feel hunger - but no real appetite. For me hunger means the nagging feeling in my belly that tells me that I need to eat; appetite, however, is when I am not necessarily that hungry but really want to eat as I feel the food is giving me something else beyond filling my stomach. At the moment that is gone, I don't enjoy eating - all I get is the slightly sick feeling that I guess most pregnant women experience. Who wants to eat when you feel sick??? So my portions tend to be small, and guess what that leads to? Feeling hungry very soon again. Grmpf.